Why do I always do this to myself

I feel trapped but I know whats right and whats wrong. Sometimes I wonder about things a little too much. And sometimes I wish I could go back and other times I get pissed about thinking it. Conflicted. Its seems like I am always conflicted. I take things out of proportion and I can get very dramatic. But whats a life worth living if there’s no show? Are we supposed to be trying to suppress these stupid thoughts and emotions and settle down and get jobs and live a constant struggle to be ‘normal’? You know, normal. When people don’t think outside the box or act ‘out of character’ because they are too tired and over worked from having a family or having a real occupation that’s full time. People lose their dreams. They just grow older forgetting who they met; forgetting the boys who broke their heart before they even knew what love even meant or the girl who changed their life forever and they can’t even imagine what a nice sober sit down would be like with her, could that person even explain to the girl what she has even done to save her? Or hey, would the word Bison have lost its meaning? I can’t let that person happen. I have seen it happen to people, and I can see it happening to me. To say the least I’m just scared. I feel like that emotion comes up a lot through out one day.  The only thing that can stop it is remembering how much I love one person and how much they love me. Knowing how much my existence means to one wonderful person makes me feel safe. For now that’s what I have keeping me happy. Without Em I don’t know where I would be right now. Its very strange to think about.